The 5 Er.diots

The previous night...

11:05 PM :

(call)

Er.diot B : oye kal kitne baje jana hai?
Er.M on flip side : jab tu kahe! 8.15 tak ghar aaja. Rest i'll confirm with Rasto.
Er.B : Ok. Msg maar dena.
Er.M : Sure!

(37 seconds and forgotten)

11:06 PM : facebook

........

11:55 PM : facebook

Next morning (lets call it the placement day...The reporting time at the venue read something like 8 AM)

7:00 AM (1 hour to deadline)

(call)

Er.B : han v uth gaya?
Er.M : han just.
Er.B : kab aaun, ab to bata de. tune msg nahi kia?
Er.M : O yar 'Rasto' ne fone nahi uthaya raat ko (safed jhuth!)
Er.B : ok. koi na, i'll b there by 8.30.
Er.M : Han han, aram se aa.

7:15 AM (45 minutes to already meaningless deadline)

(call)
Er.M : Han v darling. Uth gaya? 8.30 tak ready ho jana as decided.
Er.R : O yar. Thoda aur late chalte hain na. 9 baje tak. Aaram se.
Er.M : Yar raste mein bhi time lagega. Atleast gotta reach by 9.15.
Er.R : Chal theek hai. RDB ko kehta hu.

8:30 AM : (nothing happened)

8:40 AM : Er.B arrives. Leaves with Er.M for the other '3 Idiots'.

8:49 AM : All Idiots in place. Finally enroute Chitkara College of Engineering, Rajpura. Cruising at 60 kmph never felt better!

9:04 AM (Zirakpur lights)

Someone to everyone : O yaar due ko fone karo. Know the status!

9:06 AM (lets call this part "BEING IN TENSION")

Loud Voice : DUA KEH RAHA HAI 5-10 MINUTE MEIN START HO JAEGA.
Calm Voice of M : Arre han. Bas 10 minute mein hum bhi pahuch jaenge. Relax.

9.14 AM

Someone: Kitni der lagegi(?)
M again : Bas aane wala hoga. 5 min aur! (increases speed)

9:17 AM (frenzy)

where's this freakin college?

(dua ki call : oye examiner aa gaya hai. Its about to start. Jaldi aao. Some needless talk about roll nos. & rooms)

9.18 AM (110 kmph)

9.20 AM (120 kmph) Front passenger 'B' gets restless!

9.23 AM (135 kmph) A loud shriek is heard from the back seat.

Sweat all over. Prayers being offered. Buses swoosh by. Cop car in sight...n gone...

A feeble voice says "Bhai zinda pahuncha de, naukri toh fir le lenge!"

.....some explicit language details omitted for brevity and *censorship*......

9:26 AM

'M' loses patience : Saalon pehle aaye hue ho? Abe itni duur tha toh pehle batate. Mujhe laga pass mein hi hoga. Kisi aur se puchte hain!

9:28 AM

'B' to raah chalte Sardarji : Janab, Chitkara College kitna duur hai?

Sardar : Bas *** km aage.

OK. Thank You.

......

Wait? Was that 'aadha' km aage ya 'aath' km aage? Dude, did u even listen to d surd?

B : Whatever! Aage hi hai na. We'll manage.

9.32 AM (4 km later!)

B : Oye aane wala hai. Location yaad si aa rahi hai!

Everyone : FUCK YOU !!!!!

9.34 AM (holy gates!)

(But we're happy the surd was wrong anyhow. Na aadha na aath!)

M : Niklo Saalon. Samaan uthao te pajjo. Rukna ni hun.

OKAY. Enough with the timeframe and all the bullshit storyboard script. Getting real.

CHARACTERS:

The 5 Er.diots(who thought they were dudes!) namely,

Abhi M. aka Er.M aka Pani
Sahil B. aka Er.B aka Balls
Arpit R. aka Er.R aka Rasto aka Darling
Anshul G. aka RDB
Kartik S. aka KT

PLOT:

So, the dudes were to go for a placement drive of "A BPO company which magically, also develops softwares!" and each had his own reason.

Rasto n KT desperately need a JOB and are yet to get off d mark ;


Balls just wants another high paying job before he dumps it to go to a PHOREN UNIVERSITY in a couple of month;

RDB was there to "MERELY HELP RASTO" get the job (doubts his ability!) ;


and PANI was there just to face a TECHNICAL paper and interview since he hadn't faced any before! (lucky to get away facing only HR's)

So it was planned. Help Rasto in the first place. KT can n will make it on his own. And placement was on. Beer will flow for sure this time.

Armed with prior knowledge of such events, each of the five knew nothing was gonna start before 10. So why hurry! Aram se chalenge!! Wahan velle tent mein baithne thodi ja rahe hain!!!

Unfortunately or fortunately, nothing of that sort happened!

Girte padte sambhalte, as we reached the Main block at 9.40 AM, we realised the arrangement was perfect, and professional. N we never realised everything was gonna be crazy that day.

First, we all had a HALL TICKET with a registration number and a pre-defined sitting order, in different rooms. So sitting with and around Rasto was out of question. Poor guy was left to do it on his own. So be it, we said as we rushed to find our rooms. (KLPD 1)

The De-Morgan Block / THE BALLS BLOCK

Balls went running inside, while we ran outside, finding our respective blocks!

The Newton Block / remains THE NEWTON BLOCK

Some Other Block / The FANTASTIC FOUR block

Oops, KT lost his wallet a day before (where else than FR, the DHILLON block!) and...

No wallet = No ID

No ID = No Entry

No Entry = Screwed! 

(KLPD 2)

Paying our condolences to KT hurriedly, the remaining 3 carried on, while he was left behind waiting & sulking.

Me : LH3 LH3 where is LH3. Wait, it was LH2. 
Oh, just passed LH6. Wonder where is LH2.

I can only see LH1 and the toilet besides. Is that the LH2? 
Noooooo...think think...

Uncle LH2 kahan hai? 
Pata nahi beta, main to doodhwala hu!

I saw Rasto getting to his room and go in. All the best, i shouted, unheard!

Abe mera room kahan hai sala? 9.45 ho gaye hain. bc LH2 banana bhool gaye kya? Likha kyu hai?

Just then i saw RDB walk down calm n composed..

Me: Kya hua bhai? Tera bhi nahi mila?
RDB: Kya? Mera mere pass hai!
Me: Abe wo nahin sale. ROOM. ROOOOOMM!!
RDB: I'm not sitting for the test. Rasto is in a different room, so there's no point.
Me: De to de yar. Technical test hai.
RDB : Arre Infy hai na yar apni. Chhad tu bhi na de. Infy me hi jana hai tune bhi toh.
Me: Yar thats not the point. Atleast give the test if you've come this far.
RDB : Nahh. You go ahead. I'll keep company with KT(with a kamini smile!).
Me: Abe sale sab ladkian bhi paper hi de rahi hongi. Koi dekhne ko nahi milegi.
RDB : Jaa na..late nahi ho raha?

Finally a staff member appeared. "Sir, where is LH2, if any?", i asked.

"Go this side. There's a door midway through the building. LH2 is inside."

Thanks, i said, as i ran to find a door.

MIL GAYA!

N i was in LH2. The paper started at 10. Cursing Dua and his "5 min mein shuru hai, jaldi aao", i filled my questionnaire and the next 75 minutes went flying with the test.

11:15

Me (happy) : Han bhaiyon. Kaisa raha?

KT n RDB were busy ogling girls. "Kya items hain yar. Life hai campus mein. Hamara college dekho, banjar veerana..."

Balls : Thuk gaya yar. Was late by 10 minutes. Screwed an entire section of AR.(KLPD 3)
Me: Kaise? Mera toh 10 baje shuru hua!
Balls : %$#%&%@^*(!

Rasto : Mast hua yar. AR (read Analytical Reasoning) kya hi faadu ayi thi. Programming bhi tough thi. Technical was also good. English mujhe aati nahi!
Me: To saale ghanta acha hua?
Balls (continuing) : %$#%*#@^*(!

After a food session at the canteen, GARORA (yes, the famous GARORA of the multibillion$ GoGarora Inc - we actually do fuck your brain!) calls me with an endless flurry of trademark questions and tells me to be at the Tata Crucible event, in which we had to participate together.

"SALLE aa raha hai yar nahin? Main aun? Nahana padega? Acha kab niklega? Jaldi nikal salle. Kitna time lagega? 1 baje tak aa jaega? Msg kar about ur confirmation. Kitni der mein karega? (click, call ended)"

I rushed back to my car, to be in Chandigarh by 1 PM for the event.
Tossing Balls his bag and helmet (getting to hear %$#^$@^*#% from him again!) i tell him to message me about the result, so that i can try n come for the interview if i'm selected.

Balls : what if u're not?
Me : In that case, you guys will have to ride back home in a bus!

More %$#%^@*!#& followed.

1:10 (back in chandigarh!)

1:15 (rendezvous with Garora, registration counter is crowded like peak time Mumbai local)

1:25 (Garora realizes he doesn't have his college ID and its required to get the answering sheet)

1:35 (head back to his place to get the ID)

2:10 (back at the venue)

The Registration counter is now empty like our 'brains' and everyone has disappeared inside the ballroom. Just then we happen to meet a registration guy who gives us the Answer sheet without even a look at our ID's.

US: "Bhaiya ID dekh to lo. Itni duur se 'laaye' hain!"(wtf?)

Guy: Arre yar event shuru ho gaya hai. You'll miss the questions. Jao. (KLPD 4)

As we rushed inside, all the seats had been occupied and we had to stand with a million other guys!

Luckliy, we got two seats, but unluckily, not enough answers to qualify for the stage finals!

Giving up all hope of returning to the interview now, (did i mention i was selected for the interview, along with Rasto, but Balls couldn't make it through), i could still imagine Balls with his %$#%$@^*#!^.

The Taj coffee and cookies made me happy somehow after the shitty day. Screwing with a tehnical interview for being at an event where we couldn't figure out almost any of the answer left me feeling dumber than ever.

Time was 5:20 PM

1 message received. Arasto.

"Dude aa sakta hai? i've talked to the guys here and they said u can still take ur interview. Be here by 6.15. Ok?

Reply >

"SURE. I'll try n be there."

I ran for the parking.

Location : Inside the car.

Time : 5.32 PM

Mode: Need For Speed. Burnout Revenge. F1 GP. Whatever, just get me on time!

I was at the wheel again, i knew the location and approx time needed , but traffic was the uncertain variable. Accounting for the facts, Zirakpur & Single laned Patiala highway, i calculated my limited options.

Not practical. But not impossible.
"Please God. A li'l help this one time."

Okay, now i may sound like a maniac in those fast paced automotive action movies, but i was literally in the shoes of Jason Statham (The Transporter guy sans the BMW and the hot chick always by the side or in the trunk or sometimes both!) n i revved it up.

Some of the details of the drive miss me right now, and most are blurred. I just remember...

A speedo that read 150.

Scores of trucks I overtook. (Ok Tata Fir Milenge!)

A bunch of jet planes I overflew. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee....

A sequence of swears(sound still travelled faster!)

Screeching tyres and unending honking.

Some dead dogs, a fallen biker, airy 'upskirts' and a dozen crazy cop cars chasing me down (i like to think of it that way, although nothing of the sort actually occured!)

I was at Chitkara. Time 6:08 PM.
36 minutes for 35 kms. Not bad considering the peak hour rush.

Average Accidents : NIL.
Average people crushed : NIL.
Average Suicide Overtake Attempts : 14

In time for the interview, i was a celebrity who kept the panel waiting. Wow! Top of the world feeling.

Okay, cutting through the details (its getting long), I appeared for an interview with a sweet looking mam( i later came to know she screwed badly!). No more details of the interview. It went well except for the fact that it was an HR interview and i wanted Technical first.

KLPD 5 : No Technical Interview since I was rejected in the HR itself. No biggie! Not something i am proud of. But not something i was even ashamed for, bcoz NONE OF THE GUYS GOT THROUGH.

I guess the panel had something with the guys. Or maybe something for the girls. Anyway, everyone that went in after me got screwed (still wonder if i had anything to do with that!)

KLPD 6 : Big Deal was that RASTO flunked too(being a guy!). Man, why did you have to be a guy, why...why?

Ab Nanga nahaega kya aur nichodega kya? 
Back to square one. Back where we started.

One guy with a dream to appear for a technical interview.

One guy with a dream to get a bigger package to dump.

One guy with a dream of helping others get selected.

One guy with a dream of getting a JOB.  

One guy with a dream of getting a JOB ,and before that, the nightmare of getting a new College ID in the final Sem. 

Added Damages: 500 bucks worth of petrol. 200 bucks of food. A cheap Nesco brand lock(more on that later!)

Embarassment : Unparallelled.
Experience : Unforgettable.
Pain : In the ass.
Moments : PRICELESS!

There are some things money cant buy.

For everything else, there's no remaining CASH..!

P.S. A good news about the Beer. It'll still flow, needless to say, out of Rasto's pocket, this time for not getting placed. Ruby Tuesday. Tomorrow at 4. Happy Hours,not everyone's invited!